Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Valentine's Day Suggestions..

Today I went home for lunch to witness my girl watching Martha Stewart make Valentine's Day fortune cookies.  Whatever, wasting thought on Martha being Martha and the drain that entails is beyond counterproductive.  Never mind the fact that if a man gets excited over a Valentine’s Day fortune cookie he couldn’t be more of a fruit unless he had a cock in his mouth. I then came across an article about setting the mood for Valentine’s Day and the combined force of sucktitude between the two made me post this.

Here is the music this person suggested for the occasion:

 Here are the top ten Valentine's Day songs to impress your sweetheart this Valentine's Day:
• “A Million Love Songs” -- Take That
• “Valentine Song” -- by Robert Argyle Campbell
• “Nobody Loves Me Like You Do” -- Whitney Houston and Jermaine Jackson
• “I Need Your Love Tonight” -- Elvis Presley
• “Song: Persuasions to Enjoy” -- by Thomas Carew
• “My Heart Will Go On” -- Celine Dion
• “Everything I Do For You” - Brian Adams
• “The Power Of Love” -- Celine Dion
• “A Promise I Make” -- Dakota Moon
• “Quit Playing Games With My Heart” -- Backstreet Boys

OK where do I start bashing this travesty. Evidently this fucking idiot thinks you’re dating a deaf girl or a Russian mail-order bride candidate because this is the most God-awful fiasco of a fucking list I have ever seen. Anyone else, other than the mute who can’t hear this shit or whore giving you the reach around to snag your wallet, will leave your pathetic ass the second any of these songs hits the speakers.

Celine Dion on the list twice. What self-respecting male would listen to her once? Whitney Houston’s mom wouldn’t even listen to her sing a song with Jermaine Jackson. The producers of that song must have had to buy a Scarface sized pile of coke to make her record that song. If I could discreetly slip a grenade in Bryan Adams’ pocket I’d seriously consider doing it.  And she spelled his name incorrectly...which is the only cool thing she had to say.  Disrespect that loser all you want honey.  And how many of these clowns are Canadian? Who the fuck is Take That...or the Campbell loser. Where exactly is Dakoto Moon? Is that where the Backstreet Boys go to pick up trannies?

It’s people like the retard that made this list that fuck up holidays for everybody.

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